It has been a while since my last write. I have been writing in my mind every second of the day with every intention to transfer the musings into ink but like a swift gale they evaporate into thin air and before I can capture them, they run into intrinsically distant memories.
With a new year, a new moon and a new day begins a new thought. And if I am able to seize whatever little I am permitted to, I will make it a necessary pursuance to continue writing in all intervals.
I write of the year that has gone. Much have supervened and eventuated. Some of which I am unable to recall.
However, I have rerouted major roads in half a century. Having to start another decade, I needed another path to tread on. And thus I paved it to befit my thoughts and with unwavering bravery cleared all else.
One of the major arbitraments was about the financial planning field, a career and a position I have secured for almost 25 years. Having to walk away from it with no regrets is a relief, not because it was not a good job but because there comes a time in your life when you just need to change the course guided by a different thought process.
Being in the marketing field for so many years, one forgets one’s true identity and lives the one required by the job. It is a part of faking it until you make it. And over a period of time, the interlacing is so favourable that you forget your original disposition.
However, very early in 2017, I decide to alter that and return to my quintessential reticent character. I may seem friendly and portray an outstanding extrovert based personality but my best moments have been sitting in that one corner reading a good book over a cup of brewed coffee. Does that then mean I am an introvert? I think what it means is that I have experienced it all and I have given myself the privilege to make a choice of how the balance of the remaining decade will perform.
I am no more a people person, not because I do not know how to be one, but because I want to resign from being one. I may have convinced myself and everyone else, that happiness is about making it big, being socially active and motivated with positive thoughts and successful moments but in all reality, my happiness belongs to my alone time, to those periods when I am away from the centre of attention. And with the decision of not wanting to care anymore about people’s opinions, I set motion to the fire which has long been ignited and waiting for the eventual combustion.
I left the field of fame, power, admiration, attention, success, and finance to spend whatever time I may have prevailing, for myself, for the things I truly enjoy.
In 2017, I have also exited all social group chats, for I felt it does not serve my purpose and reasoning in maintaining friends. The friends I would like to keep, I would contact them personally. My thoughts did not include the fear of missing out in society, in fun or in company. As arrogant and narcissistic as it may sound, the corollary I reached aimed at me being complete within myself. And even though no man is an island, I find that I neither seek approval nor require it. It is only a journey I have taken to emphasize that I am entirely content in my own company.
I downloaded an application to put up my own thoughts in words making them as simple as I am able to. The application posed a daily challenge of a usage of certain words, which I participated in, and as of today, the 1st January 2018, I have achieved 109 quotes in total and one good friend.
To me, it is not as much an achievement as it is a beginning. A genesis after a denouement.
It was a challenge forming simple words as I am used to my long journals and poems. To have to accentuate depth in just a few words was painstakingly difficult but for the love of words and the passion for writing, I conquered the hiccoughs and gradually improved as the days went by. Better things may not be the outcome of it all but perhaps a different plain or level altogether will be accomplished. I shall see where the road takes me.
In other news, life is bliss with family and good friends. I have never discounted my good fortunes and the people I love in my life. My family is the reason for my strength and pride. My friends are both the ornaments I delightfully display and the undisclosed allegiance I swear to at any one time.
A mid entry to our lives was ‘prothom’, a new 110cc bike for Putul in July while she was still pursuing her license and soon after, passed her test and is now presently holding the provisional before the final in another 2 years.
We also gained ‘neon’ for putul and ‘dusk’ for me, both being mountain bikes for our riding pleasures.
Duli’s return from her university in Kampar sums up the happiest period of our lives as it completes the family gatherings and get- togethers. She will remain with us from now onwards until the next chapter of her life.
On the whole, 2017 was an easy year with no heart breaks, no major disillusions and no significant negative occurrences. There is much to be grateful for and even though the positive is always over emphasised, I am grateful for the balance and the lessons, knowing the journey continues into 2018 with scenic visions and unwilted grass to tread upon.
With that, wishing everyone a very thought provoking year, and to add to that, this being the Chinese dog year, may you have faithful friends and love blooming in all directions. Wishing closeness with family and prosperity when deserved.
Happpy 2018.
